dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
