Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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