I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
