Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
