allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
