dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
