I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
