I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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