just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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