Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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