I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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