At least make sure they are 18
Why
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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