k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
