whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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