This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
