she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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