Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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