But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
