This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
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I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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