like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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