If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
