when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
