How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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