He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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