ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
