I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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