I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
