and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
