Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
