Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
