so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
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the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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