hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
