I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
