...so i touched it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
