Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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