i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
