He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
