I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
