I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sext me about skeletons
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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