I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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