Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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