Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
