I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
sarcasm needs its own font
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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