R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
