Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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