Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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