Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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