I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
