I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
