I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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