drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
