What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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