i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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