i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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