i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
