You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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