I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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