quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
