this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
