Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
