Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
pray to the hookup gods
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
