apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
