dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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