i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
