Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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