I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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