My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
