Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
