just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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