i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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