this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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