The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
