He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
