Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
