found the other keg... it's in the tree
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
