Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
