I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
