She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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