My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
