I can text with my tongue
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
