last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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